The wider the gap between our expectations and reality the more angry or depressed we will feel.
I have to remind myself from time to time what I am writing now. I also slip back into unrealistic expectations.
Sometimes the biggest thing we can do to help ourselves is look at our expectations because we have no control over society as a whole. We can’t control other people either. There are things we can do to help influence. But we are planting seeds. We are litigating. We are advocating with allies. But we aren’t a puppet master taking over and directing the show.
We need to sit down with ourselves and ask the hard questions.
For example, is it reasonable to expect no one to lie for their own advantage?
No. It’s not. That is ridiculous. Human beings aren’t like that. Some people are wonderful and nice. Others are not. Every single person is going to be giving? Every single person is going to be selfless every second of the day? Nope. We may not like it. That is not humanity.
Do you have realistic expectations of humans? Having a measuring stick of perfection or some kind of pure heart test, is going to destroy you.
Humans are flawed.
Humans kill each other. That will never end. Laws don’t stop it. We hurt each other A LOT! We always have and we always will.
There are some people that think, the harshness that people display or the abuse that people inflict on each other will one day come to an end.
I don’t.
That doesn’t mean I am not optimistic about humanity. Doesn’t mean I don’t love people. I just am very aware that humanity has a dark side. Survival instincts aren’t pretty. Very human aspects of power, control, and access to resources are a part of everyone. Including you. If you were squeezed hard enough, you would do things you never imagined. Wonderful things, and the survival things.
Nature is brutal. Life is brutal.
Nature is beautiful. Life is beautiful.
Even in the land of care-a-lot, the care bears had to deal with No Heart, Beastly and Shreeky.
I say this will love in my heart: Manage your expectations.
People/society may not be ideal, but if you self select yourself out of advocacy because everyone isn’t pure hearted, the system is so unfair, the system will win. If you are crushed by the dark side of their humanity, the darkness will spread.
We need the dreamers. The slightly delusional people who want to fight for a better world in amongst all the No Hearts.
Manage expectations. Accept the world we live in. And then get to work.
Even in the worst systems, there is never 100% dark. Even in the most fair systems, there is never 100% light.
Other blogs:
Embracing Grief
-Anger is for things you can change. Grief is for things you cannot.
Disappointment
– Finding out how systems work can be disappointing and then freeing.
Nothing is Ever Going to be Perfect
-People are flawed. Human systems are flawed. Grace and forgiveness for people being people.