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Entering the Loop

Some people say, there is no point to systemic advocacy, nothing ever gets better.

A: Do nothing and it could get a whole lot worse. Sometimes just holding the line is making significant progress.

We are entering the loop.

We are going to be all flipped upside down and spin around and we’ll be lucky if we end up where we started, at the end of all of this. But as you will notice the line keeps moving up and keeps advancing.

Loops are inevitable.

Pedulum swings are also inevitable. They are part of how system works. We expect them and know they are coming. And when we get through this one, in the future…there will be more loops. Society has been through many loops. They have been part of our progress.

Sometimes the pendulum swings and it shows people how devastating and wrong they were. History is marked by hard learned lessons. Humanities slip is showing. When resources are tight, the dark side seeps out. More of it.

So, here we are.

These are the cards we have been delt. The only question now is, what are we going to do with it? How do we take this and build what we have been seeking. A tighter community? New court decisions?

If we want to help people, we are going to need to figure out how to turn this shit into fertilizer.

I often reflect on nature when I am trying to mentally or emotionally sort things out. Nature is brutal and intelligent. I have been trying to process our shift in provincial government power.

Elephants know the water is okay to drink because the hippos are in it. Hippos fight in the water. They shit in it. When they fight and swim around they stir everything up in the water. The elephants know that the water isn’t toxic from bacteria of stagnate water. The ecosystem is active, processing it’s environment.

Movement = health.

Things are moving! Time to have a spa mud bath in the swirling hippo manure and get to work.

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Courage

Advocacy means stepping into the unknown and taking a risk.

It is dancing along the lines of your comfort zone. Never knowing how people will respond to you, until they do.

Sometimes you need to be fearless. Focus on the process and let go of the outcomes. Whatever will be will be. But the point is to be doing it. Pushing the line ever so slowly. Planting the seeds for the years to come. Standing up and making a statement when necessary. Magic does happen.

You also need thick skin.

Know that everyone out there isn’t going to like you or understand you. They will judge you and talk about you behind your back. If you are going to be out there in the public eye, this unfortunately comes with the package. To a point. Nowadays…my goodness. It seems to have gotten out of control.

Not everyone is comfortable putting themselves out there. It is a place of vulnerability and unpredictability.

There have been a lot of people who have been so passionate about improving public education that they have pushed themselves into territory they wouldn’t choose on their own. It’s easier to be a bystander, casting judgment from the bleachers. Sitting safely in the unidentifiable area. Much more difficult to be the person in the ring, under the spotlight. When the dream system is so far from today’s reality, those in the ring will never be considered to be doing enough.

I hope all of the people who have been campaigning for the municipal elections are proud of their courage. I wish you all the time you need to decompress and refill your cups.

What I absolutely love is all the engagement that I have been a witness to. I have always wished that more people would attend board meetings, and I hope there is a deeper interest moving forward.

There was a student in my geography class who sat beside me in high school. He was the most vocal anti-religious person I knew. He also knew the bible inside and out and quoted it like every word was ingrained in his head. I wondered if he had a photographic memory. I remember commenting to him something about how interested I was that he knew the bible so well and yet disagreed with it so passionately. He said his father told him that you can’t disagree with something that you don’t know anything about.

If we want to disagree with the systems, we need to figure out how they really work.

To all of the people who took the risk and put themselves out there running for the municipal elections, my hat’s off to you. If you didn’t make it in, I hope this experience has made you a better version of yourself.

Not everyone is suited for a role in politics, and we don’t need to be. We can cover our own zone.

So for now, a day after the elections, I hope you are all resting and optimistic for the next 4 years.

Risk
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To explore feelings is to risk exposing our true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try at all is to risk failure.
But to risk we must,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
– _____________

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What is “doing” healing?

I have talked about my healing process from coming out of the K-12 education system with my kids, who are ND and have invisible disabilities, on my other website P.A.T.H. I have titled these two blogs Life After K-12 and Life After K-12 – 6 months later.

In these blogs, I talk about “doing” healing. It’s an activity. An action. Healing doesn’t just happen over time. It’s something you have to be determined to do, face and work at it.

So what did I do? And what do I do to maintain myself in systemic work?

These are all going to sound small and insignificant, but it’s the consistency and doing these things whether you are in the mood or not. A lot of these items are a privilege to be able to do and access. It’s not an all-or-nothing; this is a prescriptive list that you need to all of it or don’t even bother. Little bits of everything consistently over time will build. Whatever speaks to you.

  • Be out in nature. It’s grounding, and the science behind our contact with nature and our mental health is solid. It will encourage reflection and feelings of peace.
  • Counselling. I am lucky that I get free counselling due to the nature of my work. I take full advantage of access to that and appreciate my counsellor very much.
  • Regulate my nervous system. Look up box breathing, meditation with guided YouTube videos, tapping, butterfly taps, stretching & movement, massage/touch/physical closeness to another person, and exercise. Research nervous system regulation activities. Intense emotions come up; launch into nervous system regulation activities immediately. Movement allows the emotion to flow through you. Emotions are like weather. We name it to tame it and watch them pass by.
  • Write and journal. Everyday. Get it out of you.
  • Gratitude List. As part of my journaling, I write things that I am grateful for. I particularly look for the little things I am grateful for amongst the challenging situation I was in.
  • Read. I read books about healing. Poems. Read about human resiliency and bibliographies.
  • Learn. I have been learning a lot about neuroplasticity and how malleable our brains are. How much influence we have in deciding to change our brains.
  • Be selective about your social media. There are some very helpful people offering great information on our brains and psychological health. I recommend the Pocket Psychologist.
  • Rest. I don’t overschedule myself. I need a lot of down time/alone time. I make sure I get it. Having healthy sleep hygiene. As I was healing, I noticed I was getting a lot more energy, and I was sleeping better at night.
  • Processing with a friend who gets it. I have friends who totally get this world and understand healing.
  • Mentor. Find people who are optimistic and who know or have skills that you would like to learn from.
  • Activity. Find an outlet. Helping people can be incredibly healing. Action. Either volunteer in the area that created the challenge to create change, or create your own volunteer activity.
  • Naturalpath. I started seeing a naturopathic doctor to optimize my physical health.

Apply. Rinse. Repeat.

This is what has worked for me.

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Nothing is Ever Going to be Perfect

There are billions of people on this planet.

We all have different needs and different expectations.

If you have a disability, you will also know that your disability is fluid. Capacity moves and flows differently day to day.

No system is going to meet you where you are every single day, every single time.

Not every person you meet is going to be the perfect person you need in that moment.

People are flawed.

They are learning. We are learning.

Depending on age and lived experience, your expertise or bias will influence how you do your social work.

People harm each other. We just do. Sometimes we do it intentionally; sometimes unintentionally. No system is going to be perfect.

People aren’t perfect. Therefore, human systems aren’t perfect. Therefore, there will be gaps in needs being met. It is inevitable that people will harm people.

If you are burning out, ask yourself. What is the narrative in your head? What are you telling yourself about the way things should be? What aspect do you feel is so wrong? Is it realistic? What evidence do you have that things actually work like that? That people are capable of that?

Luckily, our brains are wired for optimism, and we don’t give up easily. We keep trying.

Managing our expectations can HUGELY impact our emotional and mental health.

It can help us give people grace and forgive people for just being human.

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Cover your Zone

This is for the folks out there who are teetering on the brink of stepping into systemic advocacy…

My son was on a baseball team. The ball was hit, and it went straight into the zone behind first base. The ball was high in the air and dropped a few feet from the teen who was covering that zone. The teen didn’t move. He looked to see who else would run after the ball. Runner made it to first base. The baseball coach called out, “If not you, then who?”

That stuck with me in relation to life. Some things get hit into our zone, and if we don’t do something about it… Well, if not you, then who?

We all have our roles. We all have our own skills, abilities and/or interests in how we want to help out our community.

I don’t need to be good at everything. I just need to be able to contribute something.

We all can’t be doing the same thing. We don’t need to be doing the same thing. We need to diversify. We all can’t be defence or goalie. That wouldn’t work. We’d have missing zones not covered. Gaps in the system not being attended to.

If you are wondering if you have something to contribute to your community, the answer is yes. Now it’s just figuring out what role you want to play and how best to use your interests and talents.

It doesn’t need to be this grandiose goal.

It’s incredible how small projects can spread. Things start local and ideas catch on, and before you know it, it spreads across the country.

Do you see a gap where people are experiencing harm that you may be able to help with?

We all don’t need to be organizing a protest or joining a board. But I do encourage people to self-reflect, and it is worth the effort to just think about how you may be able to lend a piece of yourself.

There are people who like to do loud advocacy and others who like to do quiet advocacy.

One person cannot solve all of the problems in the world, and no one is expecting you to. But if we all did a little something to help in our corner of the world, it would go a long way.

An excellent way to unclog the anger is by movement. That movement is by getting involved in your community. Some people start up businesses or advocate through their art. There are an endless number of volunteer roles. Helping other people is very healing. It can move pain to purpose.

What is the system expecting anyway? We all just witness the atrocities and then carry on our day?

Accepting the way things are, can go two ways. It is either the kind of acceptance that you springboard off of to create change. Or it can be the kind of hopeless acceptance that can be heavy. Sitting in the bleachers watching the systemic game unfold and being trapped in that seat is not a great position to be in. No wonder people can be so angry and bitter. Get in the game. Unclog. Let the action create movement. Choose hope.

If you find something that you enjoy or are doing advocacy with other people who you enjoy being with, then your mental health will benefit you and others. Systemic advocacy doesn’t need to be torturous. You are allowed to actually enjoy it. Suffering is not required. But also, if anger is the gas in your gas tank right now…. Use it! People can run on anger and put it to good use.

If something has happened and the ball has been hit into your zone…what are you going to do?

If not you, then who?

“Action is the antidote to despair” – Joan Baez

Sarah McLachlan – World on Fire

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You’re not alone in this story’s pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I’ll try to hold it in, yeah I’ll try to hold it in
The world is on fire, it’s more than I can handle
I’ll tap into the water, try to bring my share
I’ll try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able
I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what’s comin’
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
I don’t wanna be left alone, don’t wanna be alone
The world is on fire, it’s more than I can handle
I’ll tap into the water, try to bring my share
I’ll try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able
Hearts break, hearts mend, love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash, still there’s talk of
Saving souls, still the cold is closing in on us
We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
The fortune of one man means less for some
The world is on fire, it’s more than I can handle
I’ll tap into the water, try to bring my share
I’ll try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able
The world is on fire, it’s more than I can handle
I’ll tap into the water, try to bring my share
I’ll try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able

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Disappointment

Finding out how systems really work is disappointing. At least it was to me.

We grow up watching children’s movies where the good guys always win, and everything works out. We are taught honesty. To do the right thing. So when we find out that society, which taught us those things, is not living those values itself, it’s jarring.

We never imagined our systems were actually this corrupt. This dirty. It’s somehow still surprising when this stuff gets revealed now and then.

It turns out our human brains are wired to root for the underdog. No wonder we like those movies so much. We always hope the underestimated one wins.

Part of managing yourself in long-term systemic advocacy is going to be dealing with disappointment. Not mild disappointment. The kind of disappointment that makes you want to give up. But then the kind of disappointment that makes this all unacceptable, propels action.

People will disappoint you.

They will know less than what you expected them to know.

They will be more rigid than you thought they would be.

They will fight to maintain the system, harder than you ever imagined.

They will be less courageous than what you were hoping for.

The larger the gap between our expectations and reality, the more depressed or angry we will be.

The simple solution is to change our expectations.

Say goodbye to the world you thought existed. The way things should be, but are not. And say hello to reality.

Embrace grief.

Welcome acceptance.

People are flawed. Imperfect. Tall children. Really. Our brains are working wonders and telling us stories of what we need to hear so we can carry on and survive.

What is the narrative in our heads?

What do we tell ourselves about how we think the world should work?

The crack in our thinking is uncomfortable at first.

But necessary.

We need to build a new world and better systems.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandi

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The Controlled Burn

A controlled burn is setting fires intentionally to maintain the health of a forest.

This is how I view litigation.

We need to take our cases to court or to a human rights tribunal to maintain the health of a society.

This isn’t about causing trouble or intentionally trying to make it difficult for other people. I don’t see it as anything negative.

It’s about wanting change. It’s about protecting those who need protection.

It’s about being in the public eye to see what has occurred, so that it never happens again.

To me, the scariest thing is when people are in a position of authority, and they think they are untouchable. It makes me want to vomit.

It is about prioritizing the needs of those who are most vulnerable and creating decisions (case law) to benefit society.

Decisions from the BC Human Rights Tribunal, to me, are written in gold.

Litigation is a part of systemic advocacy. An individual’s complaint can make human rights decisions that shift the system and alter how it functions in a meaningful way. It can change how people make decisions and influence their behaviour. It moves one of the walls in the maze.

As firm and unmovable as law feels, it changes all the time. Laws change either by governments or by courts. Both are constantly writing and creating output.

I love being able to assist and support people with their own complaints through my work. I am not personally in a position anymore to make more decisions, but I fill that itch through my 9-5 job that I have now.

Complaints and litigation that stem from marginalized communities contribute to a healthy society, and I would love to find a way to make this more accessible.

A Tribunal system is so backlogged that it takes three years to accept a complaint and will weed out more people. Ultimately, this will mean that our society will be less healthy. Fewer little fires to keep the forest healthy.

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Planting Seeds

ID: Black and white image of a fluffy dandelion with some of the seeds flying into the air

Systemic Advocacy is all about planting seeds.

This is my visual when I think of what I am trying to do. I put something out there, wish it well, and off my seeds go.

Where they land and if they germinate into something else, I will never know the full extent.

We get meaningful feedback that recharges our batteries from time to time. But we will never have every single person write us an impact statement. The good or the bad. If you are experienced in systemic advocacy, you are well aware that you often wonder what kind of an impact you are making.

There are a lot of things that people do that no one is aware of. You don’t always have a witness to your important conversations, your insights and next steps, the pivots, allllll of the ka-billion little puzzle pieces that you assemble with people spread out.

I know a lot of people who do systemic advocacy, and they all have their hands in numerous little pots. They have all of these connections, and they have access to these pots because of the years of doing this work. They have built up this web of connections over time. The building of relationships expands your access. You get invited in more often; you get voted in. Through relationships, people listen to you. You get to listen to other people. They feel safe with you, so they open up and talk.

I am in a parents’ Facebook group, and I will always remember the night I went and posted that I was taking my human rights complaint to a hearing. I had mixed responses. Some people cheered me on. Others tried to discourage me. (I think it was well-intended, and they wanted to save me the impending discomfort.) But I will always remember this one person’s comment. They gave me this quote:

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama from an African proverb.

The next morning I set my alarm for 6 am to start working on hearing preparation. I had a mosquito that sat on my screen for an hour. Buzzing around and then landing somewhere else on my screen. That quote helped carry me through. Just be the mosquito, Kim, you can keep buzzing.

Facebook post: May 20, 2121 "So It's 5:35am. I was sent the disclosure document letter from the Human Rights Tribunal last night at 8:25 pm. (I didn't know they send emails that late, but apparently they do). So, I am up early getting to work. I actually naturally woke up at 4:15 am. When I feel nauseous about all of this I remind myself, to be the mostquito. Keep going...be the mosquito. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. - Dalai Lama" Guess who decided to join me for my work this morning...it's been walking/flying around the computer screen for over an hour now. ID: Picture ofa mosquito on a computer screen.

Thank you to all of the people who have blown their seeds into the wind, never really knowing the impact. The mosquito seed from a parent cheering me on was 5 years ago. Do they know what this has all blossomed into?

My university professor that encouraged me to not drop out. She has no idea what I am up to now.

Grateful for all of the people who have shared their seeds with me, and I hope to pass along my own, knowing full well I have no idea where they are going and to the full extent they will grow.

For the people who do give me feedback, I so appreciate it. It encourages me to keep going. I must be on the right track.

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Embracing Grief

Anger is for things we can change. Grief is for things we cannot.

Anger has been my fuel. It has propelled me forward. I felt I was doing something. The action kept my sanity.

I really didn’t feel like I was choosing to advocate on a systemic level. That type of advocacy chose me. I unknowingly had my ankle tethered to a long rope attached to a bull. The school district smacked the bull, and that bull took off.

Anger, when funnelled well, can be a beautiful emotion. Filled with love. We can run on anger. Do things we never imagined.

For me, as I advocate and navigate all different kinds of systems, I still find myself grieving. Every now and then, it sneaks up on me when I am not prepared. Why am I sad all of a sudden?

To process the reality of systems. What they are, and what they are not. Grief is about acceptance. The non-death loss.

Embracing times to grieve and acknowledging the sadness has been really beneficial for my mental health.

Naming emotions and being aware of them, I believe, will assist you in your advocacy. The more self-aware you are, the more you can regulate and know when you need breaks. You can catch yourself before you start to dip.

Crying is so beneficial for our brains. It triggers our parasympathetic nervous system and helps our body to lower our emotional distress. It’s soothing and releases feel-good chemicals.

Sometimes we need to take a moment and embrace the grief. It really is sad that the _______________ system does _______________. It is sad that all these people are stuck navigating it.

I may not change things today by 2 o’clock, but I am not helpless. I can do what I can in my corner of the world. I can help other people.

Grief, like weather, comes and goes.

However, my actions are consistent. I am optimistic; all I can do is try.

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Suffering is Not Your Identity

I have met some people who feel they need to suffer in order to be an advocate.

Ummm….no.

I mean, you can suffer if you want to. Go for it. Don’t let me stop you. But it certainly isn’t a requirement.

Many advocates become advocates because of lived experience. We have a certain peek behind the curtain that others don’t see. We are the ones who get it. Our level of empathy is there because we have been there.

Advocacy requires some level of internal capacity, to take advocacy on. If you are still drowning, systemic advocacy isn’t going to be on your to-do list. Waking up tomorrow is the priority.

A lot of advocates become advocates when the drowning has stopped, and they have their feet at least somewhat planted on the shore. They may wade back into the water a bit, but they aren’t currently in crisis. Advocates are the ones throwing out life preserver vests and cheering you on.

Some artists and writers think they need to suffer for their art.

I don’t believe that.

People have survivor’s guilt.

That! I can relate to.

Just a little note on suffering, since I brought it up. This is completely my opinion, and I don’t know if there is evidence of this anywhere, but I believe there are stages of suffering. The first stage is crisis. You are absolutely living in the moment. But as you move up, there is a level of suffering that you can live with and “suffer well”. This book hits on this point: How to Suffer Well by Peter Hollins. If you can learn to suffer well, you can live in that zone where you get a lot of shit done and can create a lot of movement. But I wouldn’t suggest you eternally live there. Do what you want to do, and then you can get out and move the needle in other ways.

But showing people that you can heal…that you can go beyond just survival and thrive after whatever your joint experience is, in my view, is a gift in its own. By not suffering, you can be evidence that things CAN turn out differently.

So, if you are an advocate who has healed enough to be able to give back….radiate all the progress you have worked so hard for. People need to see hope, not misery, in the ones they are seeking help from.

You don’t need to take on suffering as an identity to help people. It’s what you experienced and survived, but not who you are.