I have met some people who feel they need to suffer in order to be an advocate.
Ummm….no.
I mean, you can suffer if you want to. Go for it. Don’t let me stop you. But it certainly isn’t a requirement.
Many advocates become advocates because of lived experience. We have a certain peek behind the curtain that others don’t see. We are the ones who get it. Our level of empathy is there because we have been there.
Advocacy requires some level of internal capacity, to take advocacy on. If you are still drowning, systemic advocacy isn’t going to be on your to-do list. Waking up tomorrow is the priority.
A lot of advocates become advocates when the drowning has stopped, and they have their feet at least somewhat planted on the shore. They may wade back into the water a bit, but they aren’t currently in crisis. Advocates are the ones throwing out life preserver vests and cheering you on.
Some artists and writers think they need to suffer for their art.
I don’t believe that.
People have survivor’s guilt.
That! I can relate to.
Just a little note on suffering, since I brought it up. This is completely my opinion, and I don’t know if there is evidence of this anywhere, but I believe there are stages of suffering. The first stage is crisis. You are absolutely living in the moment. But as you move up, there is a level of suffering that you can live with and “suffer well”. This book hits on this point: How to Suffer Well by Peter Hollins. If you can learn to suffer well, you can live in that zone where you get a lot of shit done and can create a lot of movement. But I wouldn’t suggest you eternally live there. Do what you want to do, and then you can get out and move the needle in other ways.
But showing people that you can heal…that you can go beyond just survival and thrive after whatever your joint experience is, in my view, is a gift in its own. By not suffering, you can be evidence that things CAN turn out differently.
So, if you are an advocate who has healed enough to be able to give back….radiate all the progress you have worked so hard for. People need to see hope, not misery, in the ones they are seeking help from.
You don’t need to take on suffering as an identity to help people. It’s what you experienced and survived, but not who you are.